Category: Reflections

Undergoing a marriage counseling process before tying the knot offers many benefits for couples, laying a solid foundation for a healthy, lasting relationship.

Note: It’s important to engage in these conversations openly and honestly, always seeking to understand and support each other’s perspectives and needs. Remember that the process is in the best interest of the couple and their long and happy life together.

Here are some key reasons this preparatory step is important:

Enhancing Communication Skills

Marriage counseling helps couples develop strong communication skills, enabling them to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs more effectively. It teaches active listening and empathy, ensuring that both partners feel heard and understood, which is vital for resolving conflicts and deepening emotional intimacy.

Identifying and Managing Differences

Every individual brings their unique background, beliefs, and expectations into a relationship. Counseling provides a safe space to explore these differences and discuss sensitive issues, such as finances, family planning, and lifestyle choices. It helps couples find common ground and develop strategies for managing disagreements in a respectful and constructive manner.

Strengthening Conflict Resolution Skills

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. Pre-marital counseling equips couples with the tools they need to handle disagreements without causing harm to the relationship. Learning to resolve conflicts in a healthy way can prevent them from escalating into major issues and help maintain a strong bond over time.

Setting Realistic Expectations for Marriage

Many people enter marriage with unrealistic expectations, influenced by cultural narratives, family backgrounds, or personal assumptions. Counseling helps couples set realistic expectations, understand the commitment marriage requires, and recognize that challenges and growth opportunities are part of a shared life.

Building a Strong Foundation in Faith

For Christian couples, pre-marital counseling rooted in faith can deepen their understanding of marriage as a covenant with God. It encourages them to center their relationship in Christ, align their values with biblical principles, and commit to practices like prayer and worship together, strengthening their spiritual bond.

Fostering Emotional Intimacy

Counseling encourages couples to explore their emotional needs and vulnerabilities, fostering a deeper emotional connection. It provides tools for building intimacy, ensuring that both partners feel loved, valued, and supported as they embark on their life together.

Preparing for Future Challenges

Life brings changes, challenges, and unexpected events. Pre-marital counseling helps couples anticipate and prepare for these ups and downs, discussing topics like career changes, family dynamics, and health issues. Being prepared can help them navigate life’s storms without drifting apart.

Encouraging Long-Term Growth and Happiness

Marriage is a journey of growth and discovery. Counseling sets the stage for a fulfilling and enduring relationship by encouraging ongoing communication, mutual respect, and shared goals. It reminds couples that marriage requires effort and adaptation, and that their love and commitment can deepen over time.

In summary, undergoing a marriage counseling process is invaluable for young couples. It not only equips them with the skills and insights needed for a healthy marriage but also deepens their understanding and appreciation of each other, laying the groundwork for a loving, resilient partnership.

The following are key questions a couple should discuss before getting married. The couple should openly discuss these questions, and they write where they align as well as where they recognize opportunities for growth together. In areas where they feel it’s necessary, the couple may decide to involve a counselor or pastor to facilitate dialogue.

Faith and Beliefs

• How does your faith influence your daily decisions and lifestyle?
• In what ways will we actively practice our faith together?
• What are our plans for involving God through prayer and Bible study in our marriage?
• How will we navigate any differences in our theological beliefs or church traditions?

Marriage Expectations

• What is your understanding of marriage based on biblical principles?
• How do you see the roles within a Christian marriage?
• What lessons have you learned from observing marriages around you, and how do you wish to apply them to ours?

Communication and Conflict Resolution

• What strategies can we use to ensure we maintain healthy communication?
• Are there any previous experiences that might influence our relationship, and how can we work through them together?
• How can we create a safe space for expressing our feelings and needs?

Family and Children

• Do you envision having children, and what are your thoughts on parenting styles?
• How open are we to options like adoption if we face challenges with having children?
• What core values do we want to instill in our children?
• What boundaries should we set with extended family to protect our nuclear family dynamic?

Financial Management

• How should we approach managing our finances in light of Christian stewardship?
• What system will we use for budgeting, and who will oversee it?
• How do we plan to address any current or future debt?

Career and Education

• How will we balance professional ambitions with our family commitments?
• Are there any significant career or education moves anticipated in our future?
• What are our views on one partner pausing their career for parenting or other reasons?

Intimacy and Boundaries

• What expectations do we have regarding intimacy within our marriage?
• How will we establish healthy boundaries with others to safeguard our marriage?
• What proactive steps will we take to keep our marriage vibrant and guard against external and internal threats?

Lifestyle and Leisure

• How do we envision spending our leisure time both together and individually?
• What role do hobbies, travel, and entertainment play in our lives?
• How important is it for us to cultivate shared interests?

Health and Well-being

• How do we prioritize physical and mental health within our lifestyle?
• What is our stance on seeking help through counseling or therapy when needed?
• How can we support one another in pursuing a healthy lifestyle?

Trust

• How do we define trust within our relationship, and why is it important?
• Can we share experiences where trust was built or challenged in our past relationships, and how those lessons apply to us?
• What specific actions and commitments are we willing to make to ensure trust remains a cornerstone of our marriage?

Future Planning

• Where do we see ourselves in the future, and what dreams do we have for our marriage?
• How will we support each other in achieving individual and shared goals?
• How do we plan to adapt and grow together through life’s unexpected challenges?

Remember: It’s important to make the time to engage in these conversations openly and honestly, always seeking to understand and support each other’s perspectives and needs. The goal of the process is in the best interest of the couple and their long and happy life together.

The phrase “love does not boast,” found in 1 Corinthians 13:4, provides a crucial insight into the Christian understanding of love. This short but impactful phrase is part of a larger passage that describes the attributes of love, painting a picture of a virtue that is selfless and humble in nature.

Boasting is essentially a form of self-praise or excessive pride in one’s achievements, qualities, or possessions. It reflects an egocentric attitude, which is contrary to the essence of love as described in the Bible. Love, according to this passage, is not self-seeking or arrogant, but rather humble and focused on others.

Several scripture cross-references help illuminate this idea:

• James 4:16: “As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.” This verse directly addresses the issue of boasting, labeling it as arrogant and contrary to Christian values.
• Philippians 2:3: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” Here, Paul advises believers to act out of humility rather than conceit, a principle that aligns with the idea that love does not boast.
• Proverbs 27:2: “Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips.” This proverb from the Old Testament also echoes the sentiment of humility, suggesting that praise should come from others rather than from self-promotion.
• Galatians 6:14: “May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” In this verse, Paul sets an example of what Christian boasting should look like – not boasting in oneself, but in the transformative work of Jesus Christ.
• 1 Peter 5:5: “All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.'” This verse reinforces the virtue of humility in relationships, which is antithetical to boasting.

In summary, when Paul states that “love does not boast” in 1 Corinthians 13:4, he is emphasizing a key aspect of Christian love – its humility. True love, in this biblical context, is not about elevating oneself or seeking self-glory. Instead, it is about valuing others, celebrating their achievements, and humbly recognizing one’s own place in the larger tapestry of life and community. This understanding of love fosters a spirit of unity, mutual respect, and genuine care, reflecting the core values of Christian teachings.

The phrase “love does not envy,” found in 1 Corinthians 13:4, offers profound insight into the nature of true love from a Christian perspective. This statement is part of the Apostle Paul’s eloquent description of love’s qualities in his letter to the Corinthians, where he outlines what love is and is not.

To understand “love does not envy,” it is essential to consider the destructive nature of envy. Envy is a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to someone’s advantages, possessions, or achievements. It is inherently selfish and contrary to the selflessness of love. In contrast, love is generous and rejoices in the wellbeing and success of others.

Several scripture cross-references help in exploring this concept further:

James 3:16: “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” This verse underlines the negative consequences of envy, which is antithetical to the order and goodness associated with love.

Proverbs 14:30: “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” This proverb contrasts the tranquility that comes from a contented, loving heart with the destructive nature of envy.

Galatians 5:26: “Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” In this verse, Paul warns against behaviors that are opposite to the fruits of the Spirit, including envy. Love, as a fruit of the Spirit, is incompatible with envy.

Romans 12:15: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” This verse encourages empathy and sharing in the emotions of others, whether they are positive or negative. This empathetic sharing is a characteristic of love that is directly opposed to envy.

Philippians 2:3: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” This teaching by Paul underscores the humility inherent in love, which is contrary to the self-centeredness of envy.

In summary, when Paul writes that “love does not envy” in 1 Corinthians 13:4, he is contrasting love’s selfless, generous nature with the harmful, selfish nature of envy.

True love, according to Christian teaching, is marked by a genuine happiness for others’ successes and well-being, without feeling threatened or diminished by them.

It is about elevating others and finding joy in their joy, rather than being consumed by a desire to have what they have. This approach fosters community, unity, and peace, reflecting the heart of Christian love and values.

“Love is kind,” as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4, is a profound and multifaceted concept that transcends simple sentimentality. This statement is part of a broader biblical passage known as the “Love Chapter,” which defines the nature and characteristics of true love.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4, love’s kindness is emphasized as a fundamental aspect. To understand this in a biblical context, it’s essential to explore the nature of kindness as an expression of love. Kindness, in the biblical sense, is not just about being nice or polite. It involves a deep compassion, a readiness to do good for others, and a selfless attitude. This kind of love is patient and forgiving, as suggested in the preceding part of the verse: “Love is patient, love is kind.”

Cross-references in the Bible further illustrate this concept:

Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” This verse connects kindness with forgiveness, highlighting that true kindness involves a forgiving spirit, a characteristic integral to love.

Colossians 3:12: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” This passage emphasizes that kindness is a virtue that should be actively cultivated, alongside other qualities like humility and patience.

Luke 6:35: “But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.” Here, Jesus teaches about the radical nature of divine love and kindness – it extends even to enemies and those who do not seem to deserve it.

Proverbs 19:22: “What a person desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar.” This verse subtly touches on the idea that true kindness and love are more desirable than material wealth or false pretenses.

1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” This suggests that love, expressed through deep kindness, has the power to overlook and forgive faults and wrongdoings.

In summary, “Love is kind” from 1 Corinthians 13:4 is not just a statement about love’s gentle or pleasant nature. It’s a powerful testament to the selfless, forgiving, and compassionate qualities of love that are central to Christian teaching. This kind of love reflects the nature of God and is a model for how believers are called to love others – with a kindness that goes beyond mere feelings and manifests in tangible acts of goodness, forgiveness, and compassion.

The phrase “love is patient,” as stated in 1 Corinthians 13:4, is a significant and profound piece of biblical wisdom. This scripture is part of what is commonly known as the “Love Chapter,” renowned for its comprehensive and insightful depiction of love’s true essence.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4, patience is highlighted as a vital aspect of love. This patience transcends mere tolerance or delayed reaction; it’s about enduring longsuffering, showing understanding, and maintaining a disposition of forgiveness and empathy in the face of trials, irritations, or the imperfections of others. The concept of patience here is deeply intertwined with the idea of love as an enduring, compassionate, and forgiving commitment.

This perspective on patience can be further illuminated by cross-referencing other scriptures. For example, Ephesians 4:2 emphasizes patience in the context of maintaining unity and peace, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Similarly, Colossians 3:12-13 calls for believers to clothe themselves with patience, among other virtues, in the practice of love: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

The broader biblical narrative consistently portrays patience as an integral component of love. This patience is not passive; it is an active choice to endure, to forgive, and to remain steadfast in the face of challenges. This biblical portrayal of patience reflects an understanding of love that is far more than an emotion. It is a deliberate act of will, a commitment to persist in loving others despite difficulties or delays in achieving harmony or understanding.

In conclusion, “love is patient,” as stated in 1 Corinthians 13:4, alongside other scriptural references, offers a rich, multifaceted understanding of patience as an essential element of love. This concept challenges individuals to cultivate patience in their relationships, seeing it as a key expression of genuine love and a guiding principle for how to live harmoniously with others.

I  remember as a child my mother saying, “…no man is an island.” What she was saying is that everyone needs help sometimes.

If you think about it, you seldom see anyone successful that is not surrounded by others to help them. The band has its road crew, the surgeon has their attendants, executives have their staff. In all cases, success is based upon help. The list could go on and on…

Likewise, I have seen others fail or struggle when they simply refuse to ask for or allow others to help. For some reason we buy into the lie that asking for help is weakness. However, that is far from being accurate.

Jesus is an ever-present help in our time of need. If we are struggling with challenges in life, sometimes we need to swallow our pride, lift up our hands, and ask for His Divine help or openness to accept help from others.  Because “…no one is an island…”

Psalms 46:1 NIV. God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Very seldom have I met someone who did not like new things. I can remember as a child watching The Price is Right, and seeing the couple jumping up-and-down in a frenzy as Bob Barker would say “…and here is a new car!”

Likewise, God is always into doing new things in our lives. We often rob ourselves by wanting to see the same things happening in our lives uninterrupted.  The most we “may” ask is to make the same things better – a kind of “upgrade”.

However, God is always into doing something new!  He likes new things. 

Isaiah 43:19 NIV See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

I remember as a little boy going next door to cousin Milton’s shop and watching him build. I can still see the fresh saw chips all over the floor and would ask, “…what are you building?”

You see, you never enter into the craftman’s shop giving orders in regards to what you want built. You always enter intrigued, and asking him what he is building.

The same holds true with God. Too often we are the ones giving directions and frustrated when we don’t see results. However, we should remember that we are His workmanship created to do good works in Christ Jesus.

Maybe we should wake up more often asking Him what He is doing in our lives versus our trying to direct Him. He is the Master Craftsman…

Ephesians 2:10 NIV For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

This morning’s devotion evolved around the awareness that Jesus is “always” with us! He is Immanuel (God with us).

Specifically, I was reminded of the promise that Jesus is always with us. Think about it. In both the good times and the bad times, He is with us. He is not just with us on holidays such as Christmas or Easter, but “always”.

You see, that is what makes it Good News, that brings Great Joy, to All People! (Luke 2:10)

In reflection, the name Immanuel came to mind, and I was reminded of a scripture we often only reference during Christmas (the Birth) or Easter (the Resurrection) as an example. (Matthew 1:23).

However, it is a promise that continues – always – for every hour, of every day, of our entire lives!

So, I guess while we say “…Merry Christmas…” once a year, we could also say “…Merry Christ Day…” each and every day!

Because He is Immanuel!

#BeEncouraged

Pastor